When unofficial becomes official...part 2

Once our engagement became official, we decided to tell our family and friends of the news. Mr. Nee promptly changed his facebook status while I wanted to wait until I told my family. I messaged my sister and she was very happy for us and I informed her she would not have to wear a tacky maid of honor gown for the ceremony. I called my mom that morning and she seemed a little underwhelmed. I was hoping she would be a little bit more excited for me and Mr. Nee. I tried calling my dad several times but there was no answer. I called him the following day after I have moved everything into my room in Santa Barbara. My dad, for those who do not know, had a stroke seven years ago. His memory is slowly deteriorating, it takes him longer to process things and physically, he moves a lot slower than most people. I recently found out he no longer knows how to dial long distance phone numbers which explains why he has not called neither me nor my sister in over two years. When I was talking to him on the phone he asked me if I was still single. He has met Mr. Nee several times, we have gone out to breakfast with him probably about half a dozen times, attended several family functions together, and even went on some outings with just the three of us. I told him I was engaged to Mr. Nee and he responded, "Who's Mr. Nee?" Its heartbreaking and frustrating that my father cannot remember who Mr. Nee is. My father then asked me if I was pregnant. This pissed me off so much because he thinks that would be the only reason why anyone would marry me. So I was pretty frustrated and disheartened by both my parents' reactions to our engagement. When I called my grandmother Dot, she was genuinely excited and happy for us, so that lifted my spirits a little bit.

My family lives in Ventura county which is only about an hour or so away from Santa Barbara. I decided to visit them last week since I had not done so in a couple months. My mother and grandmother Elsie seemed much more excited than when I spoke to them on the phone. They wanted to know how Mr. Nee proposed, why we chose a non traditional ring (which they both loved and were completely understanding about), and about the wedding date. My mother and I then had a nice lunch in the local mall and we discussed some wedding details (type of ceremony, bridal party, etc.). I was relieved that she is happy and excited for me and Mr. Nee.

After lunch with my mother, I went to pick up my dad and take him over to grandmother Dot's house. He had completely forgotten about the engagement and seemed shocked when Dot brought it up in conversation. Two of my bjillion cousins were over to have dinner, so it was nice to share the news in person with some other family members.

I thought my family would make a much bigger deal out of it but I am glad they didn't. It seemed like both my mother and Dot suggested that a simple wedding is always the best. If it was up to me, Mr. Nee and I would have a courthouse wedding but I would like there to be some sort of ceremony for my parents and grandparents as well as for Mr. Nee's family to participate in.

When unofficial becomes official...part 1

Mr. Nee and I (Miss Dee) have been together for over two years and for quite some time we discussed the possibility of marriage. We both voiced our concerns, reservations and needs regarding this. Our biggest concern was that I was moving to Santa Barbara for nine months as required by my doctoral program. However, over much discussion, we decided that becoming engaged would be the next step in our relationship. We had not really discussed when was this going to happen but I felt it could happen while we were vacationing in NYC this past August. And, well, it did sort of happened in NYC. Let me explain.

Mr. Nee and I had just come from Astoria after dropping off our luggage at Mr. Nee's friends' house, when we arrived to the Met. Perhaps this is a NYC phenomenon but the tourists at the Met (as well as at the other NYC museums we visited) were particularly obnoxious. They would step right in front of me and take a picture of the painting. Every museum I have been to in LA definitely discourages this because 1) flash photography can lead to deterioration and 2) copyright issues. It is also just very annoying and inconsiderate to everyone else who is smart enough to know that better quality images of the art are sold in the gift store and available free online. In addition to the annoying adult tourists, there were children running all over the place who were encouraged by their parents to "pretend" to touch these famous works of art so that said parents could then take a picture. You get the idea that I was pretty cranky at this point.

After the Met, Mr. Nee suggested we go to the West Village. Not knowing NYC very well, I agreed, figuring there would be fun things to do. After walking for over an hour in what was the hottest week of the year (over 95 F) and not arriving at any set destination, I was needless to say, a bit cranky. Ok, I was really cranky and I took it out on Mr. Nee. After expressing my discomfort and frustration for about an hour, Mr. Nee finally said, "I thought we could look for a ring." I felt like a super jerk. I quickly apologized and we proceeded to walk around the West Village and other parts of NYC. The next day we did look at some shops but just did not find the one. Since we left NYC empty handed, we decided not to announce our engagement until we had found a ring.

The following week with my friend Miss A in tow, we searched for rings in La Jolla and Fashion Valley. I knew right away I did not want a traditional ring. Mr. Nee feels strongly about diamonds and their links to exploitation and violence. For me, diamonds can represent excess, greed and what has become known as the "bridal industrial complex." I also do not find them particularly aesthetically pleasing. However, I do respect those who have chosen diamonds for their engagement rings particularly if to them it represents everlasting friendship, respect and love. So, you can imagine the disgust I felt when one saleswoman pressured me into trying on a $10,000 ring. I made a spreadsheet to help me collect information and also brought along my digital camera to take pictures of the rings. Most jewelers were fine with this and the only place that would not allow this was a name brand jeweler in the mall (they wouldn't even allow me to write down any of the ring's information on my spreadsheet which I thought was really odd, maybe she thought we were jewelery spies or planning to rob the place). I did find some key contenders but not quite the one.

Two days later accompanied by Mr. Nee, we revisited some finalists in La Jolla. I showed Mr. Nee one ring I really liked at a shop called Mario Master Jeweler and Designer. Let me just say Mario and his daughter are awesome. Both are very friendly, helpful and honest. Mr. Nee did not like my selection, so Mario comes out of the back room with several vintage settings. I believe it may have been the first or second one I tried on that when I saw it, I knew it was the one. I know pretty cheesy but it just looked and felt right. Since Mr. Nee and I did not want a diamond, Mario's daughter suggested a sapphire. We must have looked through about 20 different blue sapphires in a variety of shades and levels of brilliance before deciding on one. After we decided, she said it would take a few days to mount and size. I thought Mr. Nee would propose the following weekend when we would both be in Santa Barbara together.

The next morning I was all set to move up to Santa Barbara when I made one final request of Mr. Nee: he get me a breakfast burrito from El Cuervo. As we were about to sit down for our breakfast burritos, I wanted to go to the bathroom to wash my hands. When I came back, there was a tiny little ring box on top of my hot sauce container. Mr. Nee then formally propose on one knee and of course I accepted.