Wedding Dress Update!

There has been some family drama and I am hoping by the end of this week to move on from it. The drama almost resulted in us eloping some time in the coming weeks and just saying "f" it to ever having a wedding. However, this wedding is about us, not them and I need to get over that and move beyond all of it.
I went dress shopping Saturday to pick up my spirits after all the family drama and to try on a few Claire Pettibones to see what I liked and then order a knockoff from online. However, I think I found my dress, unfortunately, it is a Vera Wang, which goes against most of my morals. I didn't think I would be into Vera Wang at all but I fell absolutely in love with this dress. It is completely out of my price range even with it being on sale, and with veil and everything else included ($3200). Before I show pictures of the Vera Wang I thought I would include some other contenders...
Here is a Claire Pettibone, the "Chantilly"



I think this dress makes my booty look lumpy.

Here is another Claire Pettibone "Louise"


This is a Jenny Packam and umm, I have to say I look pretty stacked here.




Now onto the f'ing Vera Wang...



The back...


I loved how this dress made look tall and thin. It seriously looked like I lost 10 pounds.


After dress shopping there was some more family drama (my mother was jealous that she didn't go with me even though this is the only store in Southern California that carries Claire Pettibone besides Beverly Hills and there was no f'ing way I was going to go to the 90210 and she was pretty mean and horrible about it). Upon returning from the store, I realized I will never be able to obtain this dress. I began to scour David's Bridal, Alfred Angelo and other pocketbook friendly designers. Over on offbeat bride someone suggested some pre owned wedding dress sites, so I looked through those for like hours, over and over again but couldn't find the dress then today I happened upon the dress and the seller listed the serial number! Huzzah! Now this makes it so much easier to find the dress. I have tracked down the dress in my size to a consignment shop in Manhattan Beach! It is still quite a bit of money ($1200) but they have layaway which means it is completely doable since I will be getting some money for Christmas. :-) Wish me luck on my LA Bridal Gown Adventure this weekend!

Possible Wedding Theme and Dress (if Etsy doesn't work out)

The other night instead of working on my final project for my anthropology class, I was re-watching series 4 of Dr. Who. I was watching "The Unicorn and the Wasp" and realized what an awesome theme for our wedding! Not the giant alien wasp but the idea of having a 1920s/1930s mystery novel inspired wedding. Our ceremony/reception is taking place in Balboa Park which has a lot influences from that period especially our reception venue which was reconstructed in 1935. We were going to already incorporate elements from that period into our wedding but I think adding some mystery novel elements would be totally appropriate for us as we love to throw murder mystery parties and I am obsessed with several mystery series (currently I just got hooked on No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency after watching the show). If only I could have one massive large scale murder mystery wedding...hehehe. For the STDs I was thinking we could create a mock mystery novel cover and for the guest book create a novel with images of us as detectives. Not sure how this will all pan out if at all but it would be so cool and fun.

Now onto the dress...

As some of you know, I have been having dress issues. After selecting a dress from an Etsy designer to custom order, I came across the coveted Daphne by J. Crew. I discussed this with my designer and she is going to see if she can work something out. However, tonight I came across this convertible dress by Butter which kinda gives almost the same effect as the Daphne. I guess if all else fails I can go for this dress.

Dress Dilemma

Ok, so I am having a bit of a dress dilemma. As you know, I am having dress made by a designer from Etsy. To remind you of what it will look like here is a picture:

Instead of the tuxedo ruffle being brown, it will be aubergine and rather than the superhero cherry lace patch on the cummerbund there will be lace with a fleur de lis and an art deco circle pattern which works well with our art deco/1930s theme (both materials I have posted on).Well about two weeks ago someone posted on the dream dresses thread on Offbeat Bride about the coveted Daphne dress from J. Crew and I fell in love.

I have been searching for this dress on ebay and other sites but have not found it. Just from reading other wedding/J. Crew blogs, it seems like this is the Holy Grail of wedding dresses. Anyway, I was wondering if there is a way to combine the two dresses. My designer has not yet started on it (she has been working feverishly on two other dresses and hasn't started on mine). My wedding isn't until October 10th, so she has plenty of time, so I haven't been pressuring her to get it done right away. However, she informed me earlier this week that she will begin on it next week.Here is a sketch of what this may look like (obviously I am not Project Runway bound):

So what do I do? Do I ask her to incorporate the Daphne into the dress she has already designed? I am willing to pay more and if she needs more time to create a pattern I am fine with that as well. I am so confused now! What am I to do?

Real Weddings: Rushing to the Courthouse

Today is election day and I hope Maine and Washington vote to maintain the rights and privileges they have bestowed on all their citizens. In honor of election day and the hope that the people of Maine and Washington will do the right thing, I am posting about a 'real' wedding that happened in the months before the passing of Prop. 8 in California.
In August of 2008, Leslie and her partner, Von, were legally married in the state of California (as featured on OBB). The wedding was completely last minute (Leslie just happened to be attending a conference there and thought "why not?") but it was still beautiful and truly expressed how both women felt about one another. Let me just say that their reception food, wine, cheese and bread from TJ's, ugh, I think these are the women of my dreams! If it were up to me our reception would just be two buck chuck, apricot stilton and french bread. Hehehe. Congratulations to both Leslie and Von for planning their wedding in the less than week and before California voted against their right to legally married.

'Real' Weddings: Lesbian Gamer Geek Chic

I probably should have started doing this a few weeks ago leading up to the elections but what matters is that I am doing it now. Last year as many of you know, California voted for Prop. 8 which denies same sex couples the right to marry. I was not shocked by this at all but I was incredibly disappointed and frustrated that people I love and care about could not legally marry their significant others because the slight majority of the state want to perpetuate homophobic and heterosexist views on marriage. This election year in Maine and Washington, gay marriage rights and domestic partnership rights are on the ballot. I'm hoping that these states will grant these rights and privileges to its citizens because everyone deserves to be in a legally recognized union and this gives me hope that someday the federal government will someday allow this.
In honor of election day, I will be posting a few gay and lesbian weddings I have found over the past few weeks on various blogs and 'wedsites' I follow.
Today's 'real' wedding features a lovely femme couple in Australia featured on Offbeat Bride. Currently Australia does not recognize gay marriage but does grant same sex couples the same rights as unmarried heterosexual couples (i.e. taxation, social and health care, etc.) In August 2009, a same sex marriage bill was introduced to their federal government and will be decided upon at a later time. Back to the wedding. I'm a geek no secret about that, so I love how Anli and Laura incorporated their love for all things geekery with their wedding: the video games, the SF, and the manga. It was very tastefully done (believe I have seen some very tacky geek weddings, believe or not, notice the hint of sarcasm?) and I love the pink and ivory touches. Can I just say they both had the most amazing dresses? Anli's was even handmade! If Mr. Nee and I were having a BIG wedding this is the type of dress I would want. I hope Australia will pass this bill so that this couple's marriage and others will be legally recognized and one day I hope the US follows suit.

Just a quick note: Not much going on regarding the wedding planning front. Tomorrow, Mr. Nee will submitting the ceremony location application to Parks and Rec. We still haven't decided upon a photographer or caterer yet though we have some ideas of who/what we want. I bought my aubergine fabric for my dress. Squee! I picked up my Brownie pin from my mom last weekend and I ordered some lace from Ebay (for the cummerbund) which shares some details with my ring. Other than that, not much else going on. As soon as something significant happens, I will definitely let you all know.

Reception Inspiration Board

I just spent the last hour complying images for this inspiration board. Mr. Nee and I agreed on the wedding colors this past weekend: autumnal colors like deep reds, oranges, purples and greens. We are having our ceremony in a butterfly garden then the reception in a 1930s mission style hall. What do you think?


I am kinda in love with the idea of moss terrarium centerpieces. :-)

And those are Daleks on the wedding cake. We love Dr. Who especially the Daleks, for as menacing as they are, they are so cute!

Case of the Blues and Dress Help!

I was totally going to make a huge "T-minus One Year" post on Saturday but I was feeling a little blue and lazy. I am a graduate student in a program which forces requires me to spend a year in Santa Barbara. Unfortunately, this means Mr. Nee is down in San Diego. I have done LDRs before and dealt with all the obstacles that come with it but this does not mean I don't get lonely and miss Mr. Nee. Mr. Nee was suppose to come up this past weekend but couldn't because he was sick. On Saturday, I was missing Mr. Nee, lonely (the roommate was gone), and just feeling really unmotivated to do anything. I take that back, I was motivated to spend the whole day watching Law and Order SVU and eating pumpkin pie. I'm also without my car which means I couldn't really go anywhere or do anything without having someone come get me or having to make a very calculated trip via the bus, which is not 100% reliable. In short, I was feeling depressed on Saturday and did not feel like writing about how our wedding is one year away when I'm missing him so much.

I am working with a designer from Etsy to create my wedding dress. I have to decide on what color I want the trim for the tuxedo ruffle, if I want the trim to be on the cummerbund and if I want the bolero lined in a color. I really love autumnal colors but I am not sure if I want a completely "falled" out wedding dress. So I am asking you all for advice of these colors which one do you like the best for these little details. Here are some pictures of the dress, the proposed colors, and pictures of me as a reference. Be honest!







So what do you guys think? Or should I stick with more neutral colors like brown or nude or even a peachy orange?

(Oh and that is a picture of me with Mr. Nee. I think he looks like Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords which means he is hawt like a curry)

Sneak Peek: The Dress!

*****WARNING: Mr. Nee do not look! (not that you read this blog anyway! ;-P)*******

As some of you on FB know, I put a deposit down on my dress yesterday. I am having my dress custom-made from an Australian designer I found on Etsy. Etsy is an online marketplace where everything sold is either handmade or vintage, so yeah if you are into all things crafty and cutesy then you will spend hours perusing this site. I am actually helping my mother set up an Etsy site so she can sell her doll clothes and knitted/crocheted goods.

I saw this design a few months ago when it was featured on the main page and fell in love with it. However, I had just started looking and wanted to shop around a bit. However, I knew I was not going to be a bridal shop dress kinda girl. After looking through thrift stores, vintage shops, couture dress shops, I kept coming back to this dress. I began a conversation with the designer asked a few questions and after talking for almost two weeks about it decided to just go for it. I still need to get some of my measurements into her before she can begin and I will be sending her some of my Girl Scout pins, badges and scarves to make the dress really unique and personal. :-) I am very excited and nervous at the same time!

Anyway on to some pictures!


I love the tuxedo detail and the lace!

This cummerbund is from a different dress but I like the design of it a lot better than the one on the original dress. So mine will hopefully look very similar to this one.

As the title implies this is only a sneak peek but I feel like I have revealed quite a bit! More will be revealed in good time. :-)

Sneak Peek: Reception and Ceremony Site Porn!

In one of my previous posts, I mentioned that we had already selected and reserved our reception site. Well, Mr. Nee and I went to Balboa Park yesterday and took some pictures:
This is the entrance to our reception site. The fountain and the mural, I believe were completed by the same artist in the late 1930s. I love how the natural light hits both of them.



As I am a graduate student in Geography, it is only appropriate that our reception site be equipped with an antiquated map!



I love the windows and how the light flows through them!



Here is a close up of one of the ceiling lamps. I love the bronze detail along the top.




Our ceremony site is in a butterfly garden. When the grotto was first built it was a nudist colony but is now known as the Butterfly Garden (aka Zoro Garden) and was dedicated as such two days before we met in 2007! We saw this as a sign to have our ceremony here! We were also impressed how many monarch butterflies we saw so late in the year. This gives us hope that they will be around next year around this time!

Meltdown

I have had a stressful few days that resulted me in having a bit of a meltdown at an academic conference today (thankfully no one saw me). It was a culmination of many things (mostly non-wedding related) and I am trying to get over them and move on with my life. Before I discuss bad wedding stress, I rather talk about some fun wedding stuff.

I think we have figured out the wedding party. My maid of honor will be my sister, Mr. Nee's best man will be his best friend, the flower girl will be his best friend's daughter and the ring bearer will be my dissertation co-chair's son. I wanted to keep the wedding party small since we are not having a large wedding and I didn't want to hurt people's feelings. One of my closest and dearest friends, Miss Ro will be our officiant. I cannot think anyone else who could perform our ceremony. Since we might have the ceremony at Graveyard Park, I might ask my grandmother Dot to say a prayer for those interred at the park and have the each of the guests place a flower on the memorial. I would like to have more family members involved but I am not quite sure what I would ask them to do or if they would like to do anything beyond just being there to support us. Any ideas?

Now onto the bad wedding stress. I have to have some major work done to my car and its going to cost almost $1000. The day before I heard this I had decided on my wedding dress. A beautiful tea-length linen gown from an Australian designer who will incorporate my love for scouting (for those who don't know: I was a scout for many years, worked for the scouts and now conducting research on the scouts) into the dress. It's exactly what I want but with all this work that I have to get done on my car, I don't know if I can afford it and since I would have to get the dress custom-made and it would be coming from Australia it could take some time until I have a finished product.

On top of all this, I am contemplating going to my discipline's annual meeting in DC this year. Originally, I had not intended to but a friend, Mr. Z, roped me into playing a geography bowl game at the regional meeting and I did pretty well (or I think pretty well for someone who doesn't identify as a geographer). There is some travel money involved in participating and I have found round trip plane tickets (flying out of OC) for only $178. The conference registration fees would run me right now about $150 and hotels are probably about that much a night. I will get some money from my department and there is potential to get travel money from some of the speciality groups. I just don't know though. I could easily present on what I presented at the regional meeting but I am still unsure with my current financial situation.

All this is just too much right now, coupled with some family stuff going on and my increased workload at school. I think I need to get back into working out or at least doing yoga or nia.

'Real' Weddings: Let's Get Medieval

Alright, so I thought I would continue my 'real' wedding series on here. Rather gripe about some mariachi-loving gringos, I'll gush over this medieval-inspired wedding that was featured today on Offbeat Bride and planned by a graduate student! Perhaps I can relate as I am a jobless graduate student with a limited budget and I too am planning our wedding from a distance.

I love how Miss L. incorporated her academic studies with her wedding but did not do complete and utter medieval overkill. It was subtle, elegant and fun. Also, how can you not love that they had foosball and Hungry Hungry Hippo? And rather than have her walking down the aisle, he met up with her where they were going to have the ceremony! Just how awesome and subversive is that? Oh and they got married on a tomb (hmm, maybe we can really have our graveyard wedding!). If Miss L. wasn't already married, I would probably ask to marry her.

Save the Date!

Since we became engaged, Mr. Nee and I had been discussing the possibility of different dates. Initially, we thought we would get married Spring 2011 since I will be in SB this academic year. However, after some discussion, we decided to get married in the fall of 2010. We both love that time of year in SD and if you know me, I have a deep love for all things autumnal especially if it involves pumpkin. So the big day is...


October 10th, 2010 better known as 10/10/10.

Yes, a little cheesy but it will be easy to remember and this sort of day only happens once in a 100 years.

Once we figured the date we began our search for the ceremony/reception site. There is a park near our house that we absolutely love. We have had picnics there, many evening walks and one bad tennis game. We also love this park's history. Over a hundred years ago, this park was a Catholic cemetery filled with Irish, Italian and Mexican immigrants and well, technically it still does. Around the mid-century, the cemetery ceased to operate and was abandoned. In the 1970s, the city decided to turn the space into a park but rather than removing the 4,500 individuals buried there, they decided to remove the headstones and place playground equipment over the graves. The majority of the headstones were discarded but some were placed in a drainage ditch at a nearby cemetery. A few years ago, the city brought back the headstones that were discarded in the drainage ditch and made a plaque to honor those who are still interred at the park. For a complete history check out this awesome website that was created by students at the elementary school next to the park.

Most of our friends loved the idea of having a ceremony based on love, commitment and everlasting friendship on top of those who for so long were abandoned and forgotten. One friend even suggested we do a zombie theme wedding. Now, I really like zombie movies but I don't think I love them enough to base the entire theme of our wedding on that. Another friend suggested serving a fusion of Irish, Italian and Mexican food (for example: blood sausage and micheladas).

We were definitely thinking that this site could also be our reception site but after walking around the park on a crowded weekend afternoon, we figured it might be impossible to reserve that much space and the logistics involved might be a bit too much for us to handle.

I began looking at museums and other non traditional reception venues. I came across a hall in Balboa Park which will accommodate the number of guests and allow us to bring in an outside caterer. Its in one of the older buildings in the park featuring old Mission architecture and a beautiful mural and fountain. Oh and it was cheap, hella cheap. The cost to rent the space for 8 hours is only about a fifth of the cost to hold a reception at one of the museums in the park for 3 hours. So yeah, its a steal. They will set up the tables but we have to decorate and organize the caterer and all that. Anyone want to volunteer to be on our wedding decorating committee? Mr. Nee put in the reservation for it the other and we got it! We are both happy that that weight is off our shoulders.

Since our reception is going to be in Balboa Park, we began to explore other ceremony site options within the park itself. Even though we love Graveyard park, it would cost about $250 for the permit and about $100 for the chair rental, not to mention all the flowers and other decorations. So we are considering the possibility of having a ceremony at one of the gardens like our favorite garden in the park, Zoro Garden. Zoro Garden used to be a nudist colony but now is home to thousands of butterflies in the spring. Unfortunately, we are getting married in the fall when there will be no butterflies and very few flowers in bloom. However, I believe the permit is more affordable than the city park and they will include seating.

We need to make a decision regarding the ceremony site pretty soon as well as the caterer. I am debating on whether or not to go to a bridal expo in Del Mar in two weeks when I am in town for a conference so that I can investigate some catering options as well as taste some cakes. :-) Anyone want to go with me to fully experience the bridal industrial complex?

Wedding Dress Porn

Currently Mr. Nee and I are deciding on a ceremony and reception site (we have it narrowed down to a few locations, we just need to check on quotes and availability). We have also tentatively set the date! However, I will reveal that in a later post. For now, I want to discuss the most talked about item at pretty much any wedding. The dress.

I never imagined myself as the blushing bride nor do I see myself as performing traditional Western notions of femininity but gosh darn I really like looking at and lusting after wedding dresses online. Currently there are three designers that I am totally in love with:

1) Adele Wechsler. Adele is an eco-conscious bridal gown designer. All of her dresses are not only inspired by nature or even socio-political issues (see her HelloAfrica collection) but are also made from organic and natural fabrics like silk and hemp. I saw her designs in the latest issue of The Knot and kinda fell in love with her nature-inspired aesthetic. Unfortunately, Adele's designs are not the most budget bride friendly.

2) The Cotton Bride by Chris Kole. I discovered this designer while cruising Offbeat Bride. All of Chris's designs are made from mostly cotton or silk. I love his attention to detail such as his use of lace and ribbon and other adornments that I usually do not care for. I am currently in love with this dress here. It is so simple and elegant, yet fun and youthful. God, I sound like one of those facebook quizzes. Anyway, like Adele, Chris's designs are completely out of my budget.

3) Wai-Ching. (picture above) Now let's talk porn, wedding dress porn. This designer was another Offbeat discovery, and while Chrissy Wai-Ching's aesthetic is nothing like the two designers listed above, I am in awe of her creative use of dye and embroidery to create truly unique and one of a kind designs. The design pictured here I love and I would love to have done in the autumnal colors of orange, brown and red. I love autumnal colors, however, I hardly ever wear them. My current color palette consists of a lot blues and grays but this may be just due to the lack of availability of autumnal colors at any other time of the year besides autumn. Anyway, unlike the other designers listed, Wai-Ching is slightly more in my price range (still a little bit more than I would like to spend but I think I may have to face reality here) and there is a showroom in LA.

I have been talking wedding stuff with my dear friend Miss Ro and she has kindly offered to altar any dress I may find especially if it is an awesome vintage dress. Since my ring is vintage, I like the idea of having a vintage gown or at least one that has been used. If I can find one, I may have to take her up on that. I might make a trip to LA once or twice this quarter with my mother and maybe a SB friend in tow (anyone interested?) to go dress shopping but I hope to meet up with Miss Ro in San Fran during the winter break to explore the vintage shops there.

When unofficial becomes official...part 2

Once our engagement became official, we decided to tell our family and friends of the news. Mr. Nee promptly changed his facebook status while I wanted to wait until I told my family. I messaged my sister and she was very happy for us and I informed her she would not have to wear a tacky maid of honor gown for the ceremony. I called my mom that morning and she seemed a little underwhelmed. I was hoping she would be a little bit more excited for me and Mr. Nee. I tried calling my dad several times but there was no answer. I called him the following day after I have moved everything into my room in Santa Barbara. My dad, for those who do not know, had a stroke seven years ago. His memory is slowly deteriorating, it takes him longer to process things and physically, he moves a lot slower than most people. I recently found out he no longer knows how to dial long distance phone numbers which explains why he has not called neither me nor my sister in over two years. When I was talking to him on the phone he asked me if I was still single. He has met Mr. Nee several times, we have gone out to breakfast with him probably about half a dozen times, attended several family functions together, and even went on some outings with just the three of us. I told him I was engaged to Mr. Nee and he responded, "Who's Mr. Nee?" Its heartbreaking and frustrating that my father cannot remember who Mr. Nee is. My father then asked me if I was pregnant. This pissed me off so much because he thinks that would be the only reason why anyone would marry me. So I was pretty frustrated and disheartened by both my parents' reactions to our engagement. When I called my grandmother Dot, she was genuinely excited and happy for us, so that lifted my spirits a little bit.

My family lives in Ventura county which is only about an hour or so away from Santa Barbara. I decided to visit them last week since I had not done so in a couple months. My mother and grandmother Elsie seemed much more excited than when I spoke to them on the phone. They wanted to know how Mr. Nee proposed, why we chose a non traditional ring (which they both loved and were completely understanding about), and about the wedding date. My mother and I then had a nice lunch in the local mall and we discussed some wedding details (type of ceremony, bridal party, etc.). I was relieved that she is happy and excited for me and Mr. Nee.

After lunch with my mother, I went to pick up my dad and take him over to grandmother Dot's house. He had completely forgotten about the engagement and seemed shocked when Dot brought it up in conversation. Two of my bjillion cousins were over to have dinner, so it was nice to share the news in person with some other family members.

I thought my family would make a much bigger deal out of it but I am glad they didn't. It seemed like both my mother and Dot suggested that a simple wedding is always the best. If it was up to me, Mr. Nee and I would have a courthouse wedding but I would like there to be some sort of ceremony for my parents and grandparents as well as for Mr. Nee's family to participate in.

"Real" Weddings: El Mariachi

I wanted to create a segment of this blog entitled, "Real" Weddings, where I discuss my opinion regarding "real" weddings in bridal publications, websites, and blogs. Let's just say this first "real" wedding I read about really inspired me to create this segment.

When I went ring shopping with Miss A, we stopped in this one horrible store that made me try on a ring that was worth more than my total assets. It was not a complete loss as they gave me two free local bridal magazines. Mr. Nee and I have decided to have the wedding somewhere in San Diego (not sure yet), so I thought it would be a good idea to see what the city has to offer. In one magazine like so many blogs, websites and other wedding publications, there are the "real wedding" features that showcases a real-life couple's special day. While most of these are fairly typical weddings, one caught my eye and not in a good way.

Enter affluent La Jolla couple, Mr. K and Miss J. The couple met while working at a local hospital as a doctor and nurse. They now own a beautiful home in La Jolla with a huge backyard. Since their home came to define them as a couple, they decided to hold the ceremony and reception at their home. However, their wedding was *gasp* a "theme wedding." Now, I am not opposed to theme weddings especially if the theme holds some sort of significance to the couple (such as couples who do Ren Faires together and decide to have a Renaissance theme wedding). This wedding though, just rubbed me and Mr. Nee the wrong way. First, the theme was "Mexican" or what the couple envisioned as "authentic Mexican." Let me explain. The couple has no ties to Mexico. Neither one identifies as Mexican, has family who is Mexican nor does the country hold any sort of significance to them as a couple. Why a Mexican wedding? Since they love the "soulful" music of Mariachi music they decided to let that dictate the theme of their wedding. The groom decided to dress in a traditional traje suit (which is actually known as a traje de charro but the magazine simply describes it as traje) complete with a black sombrero, silver spurs and black scarf monographed with "Karlos" on it. Mr. "Karlos'" groomsmen also sported the same suits while the bride and her bridesmaids wore "modern attire." The theme does not stop there. They included burros in their wedding and even had a photobooth where people could don straw sombreros and fake mustaches while the Chula Vista High School Mariachi band played in the background. I need to stop here and say, "WTF?" I mean seriously, what sort of Three Amigos bastardization of Mexican culture are these gringos showcasing here?

I have no problem with people who choose to appropriate some aspect of a culture that is not their own, if and this is a big IF, that culture holds some sort of significant meaning for them beyond "I like the music or food of said culture." I wonder if the couple ever during their wedding planning process stopped and thought about the caricature of Mexico they were creating within their wedding. Not only is it a caricature but is also reproducing the oppressive physical and cultural borders that divide the powerful and the privileged within San Diego with the exploited and poverty stricken living in Tijuana (and in San Diego, demonstrating that the border is arbitrary since we are always carrying the border with us and reproducing it elsewhere). They have the power and the privilege to do this sort of wedding while a couple living in Mexico (or other parts of San Diego) could probably not afford to have a traditional, extravagant Western wedding. I can go on about the offensive and derogatory nature of this wedding but I think you all get the idea.

I hope this segment does not become all about critiquing the bastardization of Otherness by Whites. I hope to showcase couples who I admire and celebrate their love and commitment to each other in unique and beautiful ways. But if a stupid, rich gringo crosses my path again, you bet I will blog about it.

When unofficial becomes official...part 1

Mr. Nee and I (Miss Dee) have been together for over two years and for quite some time we discussed the possibility of marriage. We both voiced our concerns, reservations and needs regarding this. Our biggest concern was that I was moving to Santa Barbara for nine months as required by my doctoral program. However, over much discussion, we decided that becoming engaged would be the next step in our relationship. We had not really discussed when was this going to happen but I felt it could happen while we were vacationing in NYC this past August. And, well, it did sort of happened in NYC. Let me explain.

Mr. Nee and I had just come from Astoria after dropping off our luggage at Mr. Nee's friends' house, when we arrived to the Met. Perhaps this is a NYC phenomenon but the tourists at the Met (as well as at the other NYC museums we visited) were particularly obnoxious. They would step right in front of me and take a picture of the painting. Every museum I have been to in LA definitely discourages this because 1) flash photography can lead to deterioration and 2) copyright issues. It is also just very annoying and inconsiderate to everyone else who is smart enough to know that better quality images of the art are sold in the gift store and available free online. In addition to the annoying adult tourists, there were children running all over the place who were encouraged by their parents to "pretend" to touch these famous works of art so that said parents could then take a picture. You get the idea that I was pretty cranky at this point.

After the Met, Mr. Nee suggested we go to the West Village. Not knowing NYC very well, I agreed, figuring there would be fun things to do. After walking for over an hour in what was the hottest week of the year (over 95 F) and not arriving at any set destination, I was needless to say, a bit cranky. Ok, I was really cranky and I took it out on Mr. Nee. After expressing my discomfort and frustration for about an hour, Mr. Nee finally said, "I thought we could look for a ring." I felt like a super jerk. I quickly apologized and we proceeded to walk around the West Village and other parts of NYC. The next day we did look at some shops but just did not find the one. Since we left NYC empty handed, we decided not to announce our engagement until we had found a ring.

The following week with my friend Miss A in tow, we searched for rings in La Jolla and Fashion Valley. I knew right away I did not want a traditional ring. Mr. Nee feels strongly about diamonds and their links to exploitation and violence. For me, diamonds can represent excess, greed and what has become known as the "bridal industrial complex." I also do not find them particularly aesthetically pleasing. However, I do respect those who have chosen diamonds for their engagement rings particularly if to them it represents everlasting friendship, respect and love. So, you can imagine the disgust I felt when one saleswoman pressured me into trying on a $10,000 ring. I made a spreadsheet to help me collect information and also brought along my digital camera to take pictures of the rings. Most jewelers were fine with this and the only place that would not allow this was a name brand jeweler in the mall (they wouldn't even allow me to write down any of the ring's information on my spreadsheet which I thought was really odd, maybe she thought we were jewelery spies or planning to rob the place). I did find some key contenders but not quite the one.

Two days later accompanied by Mr. Nee, we revisited some finalists in La Jolla. I showed Mr. Nee one ring I really liked at a shop called Mario Master Jeweler and Designer. Let me just say Mario and his daughter are awesome. Both are very friendly, helpful and honest. Mr. Nee did not like my selection, so Mario comes out of the back room with several vintage settings. I believe it may have been the first or second one I tried on that when I saw it, I knew it was the one. I know pretty cheesy but it just looked and felt right. Since Mr. Nee and I did not want a diamond, Mario's daughter suggested a sapphire. We must have looked through about 20 different blue sapphires in a variety of shades and levels of brilliance before deciding on one. After we decided, she said it would take a few days to mount and size. I thought Mr. Nee would propose the following weekend when we would both be in Santa Barbara together.

The next morning I was all set to move up to Santa Barbara when I made one final request of Mr. Nee: he get me a breakfast burrito from El Cuervo. As we were about to sit down for our breakfast burritos, I wanted to go to the bathroom to wash my hands. When I came back, there was a tiny little ring box on top of my hot sauce container. Mr. Nee then formally propose on one knee and of course I accepted.